For the next few months, Saint Peter's Stephen Ministry Team will be sharing tips and insights with you. 2020 has been extraordinarily challenging, and if there were ever a time to share what we've learned through our Stephen Ministry training, it's now.
In this article, we are focusing on active listening, which is the art of concentrating on what is being said and not trying to relate it back to your own thoughts, experiences and feelings. This technique is useful for many different situations, but it can prove especially helpful in conflict or when speaking with someone who is hurting.
1. Stay Present
To stay present means to really be in the moment. You're not thinking about your grocery list or what you are going to say next. You are totally focused on the speaker and staying quiet. No interruptions.
James 1:19 Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak.
2. Stay Curious
When you want to know more, it's easier to stay present. Ask genuine follow-up questions only when the speaker asks for your input.
3. No Judgment
Keep an open mind and accept that what you hear may be different from your own opinions or values. When you are free of judgment, people will feel safe sharing with you and being vulnerable in front of you.
Psalm 116:1-2
I love the Lord, because he has heard
my voice and my supplications.
Because he inclined his ear to me,
therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
4. Be Empathic
Brené Brown says empathy is a vulnerable choice. Instead of offering a sandwich to someone who is stuck in a hole, offer to get into the hole with them. For more on empathy, watch this message from Dr. Brown.
5. Be Patient
It takes time to process difficult emotions. Do not rush it.
6. Listen For Understanding
Similar to tip number two above, it's easier to stay present and to be empathic when you understand. Put yourself in the speaker's shoes, but know that you can never fully appreciate all of their experiences and influences, but you can try. Also, side note: There may be times when you won't fully understand, and that's ok. Do your best.
Romans 10:17 So faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the word of Christ.
The Saint Peter Stephen Ministry team members want you to know that we are available to visit with you or even just pray for you. If you could use a listening ear, send a note to stephenministry@stplc.org. We are here for you. Thank you for reading.